Elegance Handbook

Wounded Feminine Energy

What is Wounded Feminine Energy?

All men and women have both masculine and feminine energies within them. A person who grows up in an environment that encourages the development of both in a healthy measure, grows up to be a well-balanced individual in whom these energies co-exist to support their well-being.

Unfortunately, due to the many dysfunctional systems within the patriarchy, this is often not the case. For most women, their feminine energy, the life force that makes them alluring, magnetic, and is a very integral part of their essence has been manipulated for the gain of others, and to their own detriment. The reasons can be one, or various (Read the article on Reasons for Suppressed/Wounded Energy Here).

Such a woman will find that she embodies these traits that the wounded feminine embodies; volatile jealousy, despair/desperation, blame games, manipulation, impatience with life,  selfishness and /hoarding things so that others cannot have, being controlling, arrogant, hateful, and vengeful.

A woman with wounded feminine energy will

  • Doubt her ability to effect change in the world around her. She worries a lot about what others will think and about her ability to have an impact because for so long she may have been made to feel like she is nothing, or worthless.
  • Hide, withhold or mask her needs, her strengths, and inner desires for the fear of being rejected. Historically, women who have been visible, have been ostracized for one reason or another. Thus, for many women, this fear and wounded feminine energy have been passed down over the generations, and many women are afraid of being in their full power and strength, of expressing their needs, and inner desires.
  • Maybe a people-pleaser – afraid that if she says no she’ll be loved less. Having weak boundaries can be a protective mechanism if you are in a social structure that thrives on conformity. It may be difficult to break out of this type of dynamic because then it will lead to being secluded or ostracised. Thus, women who grew up in families, or communities that thrived on their willingness and availability, no matter how much it harmed them, will be people-pleasers, and others will thrive off and deplete their feminine energy without replenishing them.
  • You feel most things are out of your control and you’re often a damsel in distress – Damsel in distress is cute in movies but not in real life. The feminine energy in men and women enhances creativity, confidence, & resourcefulness. As a woman with a wounded feminine, you will often assume the victim role, unable to face challenges, thereby becoming unhealthily dependent.
  • Alternatively, you may find your masculine energies are dominant  – Have you ever heard someone say lady X is like a man? This is a result of having dominant masculine energies as a woman. Of course, when you’ve been dishonored, abused, disrespected, taken for granted, devalued, degraded, etc you will do the best you can to protect yourself. Your femininity didn’t go into hiding for no good reason, but long after these things have happened, you don’t need to be in survival mode any longer. It’s safe to heal. A healthy amount of masculine energies which enable you to plan, stay disciplined, achieve goals, etc, is good but too much and your feminine will get stunted.
  • You often chase love, are desperate in relationships, but somehow it never works – You may be doing everything you can to keep the relationship afloat, you over sacrifice and often compromise, but the commitment never materializes. The wounded feminine makes you desperate, as you cannot create healthy boundaries; which instead of giving you commitment yields the opposite
  • You are out of touch with your body e.g you fail to have restorative self-care, you cannot feel your intuition/ gut instinct, you don’t feel your sensuality. Some women are so far removed from their feminine energy, that they do not want to get in touch with their body, because then they will feel the trauma or come face to face with the insecurities, or transgressions done on their bodies and thus, they dissociate from their bodies in order not to feel.
  • Find herself in role reversal relationships. Where for instance, she grew up as a parented daughter – where she felt like she needed to shield her mother from pain, or she had to take care of her siblings. Going into adulthood, it is difficult to break this dynamic, and she will find herself slipping in and out of m=romatic relationships where she is the pursuer, chasing men, instead of being the cherished one.

No woman will have her energies perfectly aligned; the goal is not perfection, the goal is harmony. In High Value Feminine Woman: Rediscovering Your Femininity, you will learn how to realign your energies to suit you and your life so that you regain yourself.  And in your femininity journey, you’ll unearth so much about yourself and about the people around you. And as per my experience, the inner work will never stop. Somethings about yourself will shock you. The key thing is to embody as many of the divine/healthy feminine traits as possible for both inner and outer peace.