Elegance Handbook

Women with Masculine Energy

This post is all about women with masculine energy. If you have asked yourself, “How can a woman reduce her masculine energy”, or “Why am I so masculine as a woman” this post is for you. Alternatively, if you have a female friend who is a “woman with too much masculine energy”, send her this post as she will benefit immensely!

While both genders have both masculine and feminine energy, it is important to note that depending on which energy is dominant, one will be labeled as masculine or feminine. Thus, it is possible for a man to exhibit more feminine traits, and vice versa.

Thus, for women who are labeled as being masculine, what that would mean is that they have masculine energy as the dominant expression in their lives. While masculine energy is important for accomplishing goals, and task execution, the issue then arises, when it comes to relationships.

Women with masculine energy that is more dominant than their masculine energy, will find that they cannot engage and keep a masculine man interested.

This article then, is not addressed to women who have no issue with being the masculine partner, who carries the weight of the relationship when compared to the feminine man they have at their side.

This article is written to shed clarity for women who are tired of this dynamic; starting with the reasons why they would likely have ended up being masculine, how this affects their relationships, and how they can rectify this issue.

Reasons You May Be One of the Women with Masculine Energy:

(1) You Were the Parentified Daughter

Most parentified daughters tend to be the eldest sibling, but even if you were not the eldest, you told the bulk of home care of your siblings in place of your parents (it could be that they were busy outside the home, or one or both was irresponsible). Being parentified steals a lot from your childhood, and the role stays on well into adulthood due to the dynamics formed in your earlier years.

(2) Only Seen/Recognised or Acknowledged for Your Achievements.

If you grew up in a home where being the best, being number one, and achieving goals is the only thing that got your parents recognition, then, you were primed to always seek the next big thing that will get you recognized. Goals and targets are easy for you, and having taken this dynamic into adulthood, you likely treat your relationships as projects as well.

(3) You grew up in a stressful home.

Stress can take many forms. It could be that your parents were broke, or there was drama, abuse, or domestic violence, you never felt seen or heard because you were the child who did not perform well or could not meet your parent’s expectations. For some, a stressful home completely paralyzes them, but for others, it serves as the catalyst to get out and just be free so you had/have an unwavering focus on your goals/ career.

Women with Masculine Energy in Relationships

How these translate into adulthood, and especially when it applies to relationships is that you will see recurring themes and patterns;

(1) Role-Reversal Relationships:

You will find that you tend to end up with men who just do the bare minimum while you do the bulk of the work to keep the relationship alive. These men do not even have to be abusive, they could be the most kind, loving, and gentle men you ever met, but they still create the dynamic where you are the work-horse of the relationship so to speak, replicating the caregiver role you had growing up, where you were engaged in a role reversal.

(2)Unrequited Love:

A dynamic that is similar to this is when you are attracted to people who people who are not interested in you, and completely uninterested in people who treat you well. You always want that which is out of reach, and so you end up chasing these men as opposed to having a relationship where you are cherished, similar to the dynamic you had with your parents or parental figures as this unrequited love is what is familiar.

(3)Struggle Love:

You likely find that you have hot and cold, on and off type of relationships. When people come close to you, you shut off, and shut down, because vulnerability is hard for you. Or when there is drama, that is when you feel most alive. Healthy relationships, devoid of struggle love, feel boring to you. After all, when growing up, those closest to you are the ones who caused you the most pain.


Steps for these Women to Become Feminine

These are startling truths to hear, but for you as a professionally successful woman to become feminine, and to become spontaneous, receptive, and vulnerable, all of which are key for intimacy and closeness in relationships you need to take these steps.

(1) Acknowledge the Facts of Your Childhood

First, it is important to acknowledge the truth of your childhood without self-censorship. You did what had to be done back then (and maybe you still are in the masculine mode because you need it for your survival), and that is no reason to feel shame. This is the first step in starting your inner work journey.

(2) Break Away from Role Reversal, Struggle Love and Unrequited Love

Second, to release yourself from the unfulfilling patterns of role reversal, struggle love, and unrequited love, especially as a professionally successful woman, you need to realize what worked for you while in survival mode as you grew up, is now hurting you as an adult. You need to;

individuate yourself from what you can do for others and your career because  guys who benefit from a role reversal or a struggle-love relationship with you aren’t letting go any time soon; they are getting a lot of relationship value while putting in the bare minimum

stop jumping to always save others from their self-created problems (co-dependency is different from having empathy). As a successful woman, people (and especially potential lovers) know that you are resourceful and you are willing to do whatever it takes to make things work. Learn to lean back.

Stop pegging your self-worth in the acceptance of others. There are many paths to finding yourself, and the one that worked and continues to work for me is easing into my feminine energy, as it allows me to lean back and see who is for real, and who is wasting my time. And guess what, it never fails!

(3) Rediscover and Embody Your Feminine Energy

Now, step 2 is easier said than done, and that is why you need to rediscover and embody your feminine energy.  Remember that it is in your best interest to let go of the survival mode. And while it is easy to ​​be feminine on the outside, the inner feminine work takes time, and requires guidance, especially for women who didn’t have feminine figures in their lives.

This is the work I specialize in, and you can enroll in any of these feminine energy master classes to start your work of healing, which will offer guidance on how to harness your feminine energy and how to harmonize your masculine and feminine energies to have the kind of fulfilling relationship you desire!


Only you can allow yourself to let go of your old story. Only you can acknowledge that the survival tactics that worked for you growing up, are no longer working for you as an adult. Only you can decide to stop being in role reversal, struggle love, and unrequited love.

Remember that your femininity will not blossom and flourish in a relationship that is full of disorder. Role reversal is a disorder. Struggle love is disorder. Unrequited love, where you are confused and desperate, is disorder.

With our books and courses, we help you have the tools to pluck yourself out of relationships, people, and circumstances that deplete your softness and feminine essence. You were not put on this earth for second-class experiences.

This post has been about women with masculine energy. If you are a woman who has been labeled as someone who has too much masculine energy, or if you have ever wondered “Why am I so masculine a woman” or wondered how can a woman reduce her masculine energy, you now have more clarity.

We have covered reasons why women may be seen as masculine women, the recurring themes and relationship patterns that masculine women find themselves in, and the 3 steps you need to take today as a successful woman to become feminine.

Enroll in the feminine energy masterclasses here, or get the feminine energy handbook High-Value Feminine Woman; Rediscover Your Femininity, here.