Elegance Handbook

5 Essential Tips On Setting Boundaries

Setting boundaries is very important. Boundaries are the internal fence that protects you from harm, wasted time and energy, bad relationships, toxicity, etc. So there shouldn’t be any shame about it.

So how can elegant ladies set boundaries elegantly? How can you, as a  feminine woman communicate your boundaries? The perception that feminine women are weak and therefore can’t say no, or set boundaries is not true. Or that our boundaries can’t be upheld.

In this post, I am sharing essential tips you can use to set and communicate your boundaries. It doesn’t have to be confrontational. It’s also not something to be ashamed or feel guilty about.

Dive deep into who you are, so that you know what you can and cannot accept

To set clear boundaries, you need to know who you are as a person – what is acceptable to you? What are your values? Also, tune into your intuition – often times your body and your subconscious know when a line is being crossed. Listen to your intuition and honor it.

Clearly communicate your boundaries and why you don’t want them crossed

Once you know what is acceptable to you and what is not, clearly communicate it when the occasion arises. The conversation does not have to be confrontational or belittling. Say why you don’t want that line crossed and highlight the consequences.

Stop being a people pleaser because you want to be liked or loved

For some of us, the desire to be liked and loved is a crutch. So what if they don’t like you? Being a liked person does not mean that you should bend over backward – those who truly love you will respect your boundaries. You must learn how to stop being a people pleaser. Develop your self-love too, it will help.

“No” is a complete sentence.

Oftentimes, saying “no” to others means saying “yes” to protecting ourselves, our time, energy, and well-being. If you have been a “yes, yes, yes” person, learn to say “no”. It gets easier with time and there are lots of polite ways to say no. You shouldn’t feel guilty declining what doesn’t serve you.

5 elegant ways of handling anger

There’s no need to flip the table

1. Understand that your anger is telling you something about the situation

Anger is a useful but volatile emotion that makes you aware that you feel disrespected, or violated, or trapped in a situation. Read the emotion for what it is, and take time to understand why something/someone/a situation makes you angry.

2. Try to access the situation with logic; take a walk/ time off if possible

True, in the heat of an argument, the last thing to reach for is rational logic, however, try as much as you can to understand if some things are being assumed. Sometimes, just changing one variable offers a completely different view of the situation.

3. Sometimes, it really has nothing to do with you – and you don’t have to react

Sometimes, it’s not you, it’s them. Realize the annoying person may not be aware, or they have different perspectives, lack of proper upbringing, loose morals (lying), immaturity, improper communication skills or are emotional shedding, etc

4. Sometimes it has everything to do with you – and you simply have a short fuse

Sometimes, you may be the one who is missing the point, or there could be miscommunication (or ladies, having PMS, p.s it’s normal)

Therefore, it is prudent to take time before you react, think things through, because words said in anger can never be recalled even with an apology.

5. Learn or improve your communication and conflict resolution skills

Some anger situations can be solved through compassionate communication using the word ‘I’ instead of ‘you’, and hard as it may be, genuinely listen to the other’s perspective. No wo/man is an island, so improve conflict resolution skills to maintain and retain healthy relations