Elegance Handbook

How to Socialize, Network and Level Up

Learning how to socialize should be at the top of every elegant woman’s to-do list. Good social skills will make you stand out and help you level up into high society.

  • Treat people with respect; before all else, this is the most basic rule of social etiquette.
  • Do not undermine the value of any person, whether superior or subordinate
  • Being diplomatic may at times be considered as social lying, and in the eyes of some may be wrong, however, a lack of it has led to soured meetings and relationships. Therefore, if need be, be polite and diplomatic.
  • Some women tend to be very loud and aggressive when speaking; learn to speak calmly and gently, and wait your turn so that the other speaker can finish what he/she is saying
  • Avoid asking deeply personal questions or engaging in controversial topics like religion and politics if you are just acquainted
  • Learn to maintain eye contact when speaking; lack of eye contact depicts dishonesty or lack of interest

Become an Excellent Conversationalist

If you would like to improve your conversation skills, use these skills to say bye-bye to mumbling and fumbling.

1. Keep the tone of your voice pleasant and friendly; make others feel good/at ease

Maya Angelou summarized this succinctly; people will forget what you did and what you said, but they won’t forget how you made them feel. In conversation, keep your tone (inflection, volume, and pace) friendly. How you say what you say is what matters.

2. Don’t ask awkward intrusive questions; be self-aware and respect people’s privacy

Why are you single? Why don’t you have kids? When will you get married? How much did that cost? How much do you earn? Do you believe in X? Unless you are extremely close and have the liberty to have these conversations at ease, these are a no-no.

3. Don’t be that person who complains on and on, about everything and anything

And don’t allow others to bring that energy to you either. Once you stop complaining, you will notice how exhausting other people’s complaints are. If you must, make it a one-time thing & look for solutions for the matter causing the complaint. Solve, don’t complain.

4. Learn how to link ideas so that you don’t have moments of awkward silence

This requires that you genuinely listen to whomever you are speaking to. This will help you follow their train of thought, and all you need is one or two words to introduce a new topic of discussion. Choose one s/he may seem to be particularly interested in.

5. Put down your phone; out of sight is even better if possible

Ever spoken to someone who was on the phone the entire time, scrolling and chatting? How did that make you feel? People naturally like to be seen, listened to, and cared for. Phone-free conversations give them your attention & they’ll be encouraged to speak.

10 Conversation Starters

Part of learning how to socialize is knowing how to start conversations. Here are 10 good conversation starters.

  1. What are the top three things on your bucket list?
  2. What book had a big influence on you?
  3. What are you most passionate about?
  4. What is your favorite place in the entire world?
  5. How do you know (the person hosting the event)?
  6. How long can you go without checking your phone?
  7. What are you reading right now? Are you enjoying it?
  8. What five things are you most grateful for? Why?
  9. If you could describe yourself in three words, what would they be?
  10. Which places would you want to visit when travel restrictions ease?

Best Etiquette Books on Social Networking

See also: Social Media Etiquette: How to Keep It Classy on Social Media   

1. Everyday Etiquette- How to Navigate 101 Common and Uncommon Social Situations

Author: Patricia Rossi

Publication: September 13, 2011

Amazon Review: 4.4/5

‘Everyday Etiquette’ is another one of the best etiquette guides for professionals. The book talks about etiquette and how it helps you smoothly transition from college to corporate life, and from professional obligations to personal ones. The secret to self-confidence, according to Rossi, is to know and understand the rules of social engagement before you’re in the middle of an uncomfortable situation. In this book, Rossi takes you through etiquette rules that will help you know how to behave every day, in every situation, to make interactions between people smooth and pleasant, with no ruffled feathers, misunderstandings, or hurt feelings.

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2. The Essentials of Business Etiquette- How to Greet, Eat, and Tweet Your Way to Success

Author: Barbara Pachter

Publication: July 30, 2013

Amazon Review: 4.7/5

The Essentials of Business Etiquette gives you 101 critical tips on how to socialize in the business world. From eating lunch with a client to Skyping with your boss to meeting a business partner for the first time, Pachter shows you how to leave a memorable impression. This is the book to read if you’re looking for practical guidelines on how to conduct yourself in a business situation, what behaviors you need to use to get ahead, and how to be sure that you do not offend others.

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  1. Etiquette Still Matters

Author: Kathleen Harvey Harshberger

Publication: 13th August 2019

Amazon Review: 4.61/5

Get to learn what to do or what not to do personally and professionally in this constantly changing world. With a series of essays on good manners, this modern etiquette book is a must-have accompaniment whether you are traveling, at the office, or relaxing at home. Written with the reader in mind, Ms. Harshberger drives the guide in a personal, delightful, and more entertaining manner. The information in this guide is guaranteed to help you move more gracefully through the sometimes chaotic world.

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  1. The Introvert’s Edge to Networking: Work the Room. Leverage Social Media. Develop Powerful Connections

Author: Matthew Pollard with Derek Lewis

Publication: January 19, 2021

Amazon Review: 4.8/5

This social networking guide debunks the myth that you have to be outgoing to be successful at networking. Pollard insists that don’t have to act like an extrovert at all. For the classy elegant woman, the writer wants you to know that you can be the best networker as long as you have a plan that lets you be your authentic self. This book gives you that plan.

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  1. Taking the Work Out of Networking: Your Guide to Making and Keeping Great Connections

Author: Kathleen Harvey Harshberger

Publication: 13th August 2019

Amazon Review: 4.3/5

Are you an introvert who panics at the idea of networking? This networking guide is for you. This book offers networking advice for anyone who keeps canceling dates due to social anxiety. It will teach you how to nurture a vibrant circle of reliable contacts without leaving your comfort zone.

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By learning how to socialize and network you will be able to level up into high society and live the true life of an elegant woman!