If this is your first time here, hi, I’m Daisy. I am the founder of Elegance Handbook. A platform that since May 2020, has touched the lives of 55,000+ women worldwide in matters elegance and femininity. And here’s my story about rediscovering my femininity.
I have always been leveling up in some way or other. However, things took a turn for the better in 2016. In 2015, a budding relationship with a high-value man came to a surprising halt. Looking back, I realize was not prepared for someone like him. He treated me well, took me out on amazing dates, and was emotionally available – but I needed to evolve to become a high-value woman myself. (This was despite the fact that I excelled academically and professionally – being book smart is not the same as being life smart.) In the year that followed the heartbreak (2016), life gave me a chance to start my femininity and elegance journey and I took up the challenge.
The thing that made me TRULY start my femininity journey was exhaustion. (Take note, all emotions/feelings communicate something important). Strangely enough, one evening after work, I came home & looked in the mirror. The lady who looked back was worn out because she hardly had enough time for self care. I was working on a multi-million residential project as a civil engineer, and I thought I would be happy with everything in my life because for one, I was better off than some of my peers, and two, my career was on track. But, no, I wasn’t. The second thing is that at that time, there was a guy I liked, but he liked my friend instead who was always well groomed & dressed up (she was a civil engineer too). This was the 3rd time this had happened to me… first in high school, and then in university and now while I was working; that the guy I liked someone else. I searched within myself & the common thread was I’d thought my academic or work accomplishments would make me a far better choice.
What did these ladies have in common? Feminine grace & feminine way of dressing, and they weren’t desperate (while I dressed up casually and I liked to get into heated debates with guys & price I was smarter or that whatever they could do, so could I, and without knowing, was in a way auditioning).
First thing that I started changing was my way of dressing – it’s the easier place to start for some – I bought more dresses, skirts, feminine tops etc. I did an entire overhaul of my wardrobe. I also started taking self-care and grooming more seriously. I remember once I went on a date with a guy, back in 2017, and more than half the date I was saying how I don’t need a man.. etc needless to say there was never a second date. I still had more to learn. It was around this time, that while visiting a friend in mid-2017, I stumbled upon the Art of Seduction by Robert Greene, It belonged to her husband, who lent it to me.
He told me that the book was more about how to understand people than it was about seduction in the erotic sense of the word. It was then I understood that femininity went deeper than just clothes – it was also about being receptive and being able to make people relax around you well enough to be safe around you to be “seduced”. But I still had more to learn.
In 2018, during work lunch hour, my male colleagues and I were talking about an infamous love triangle scandal that happened. I wondered why two influential and handsome men would be so passionately enamoured by a lady who seemed average looking at best. And I will never forget what one of the guys said. He said maybe she knows how to make them feel good about themselves by being homely. I said “what do you mean homely?” And he said “there are women who simply know how to make men feel good by their presence.” I was intrigued. Intrigued.
I went back to the Art of Seduction, and realised that what moved Mark Anthony to Cleopatra, was not her face, but her charm. Marilyn Monroe intrigued men not just by her makeup and dressing but also by her childlike manner. They had a softness that made men lower their defences And I started working on this part of myself. Less debates with men to prove I was smart (
), and more focus on them just to hear about their day and have a a good time. I also really worked on my charm, on body language, on expressing my feelings (which was really hard to breakthrough) because I always wanted to prove “I had things handled”.
The 2nd important thing that happened in 2018 was that I had a huge fallout with my best friend (9 years strong) at that time, over a job application I refused to make because I knew it would land me in a very masculine role. Remember how I said exhaustion had gotten to me in 2016? Well, by 2018, I’d gotten to a point where I preferred office work to field work so that I could dress in a more feminine way, and be less tired (may seem trivial but it made a whole lot of difference.) I wasn’t going to apply to that job because I felt it was better suited for a man. As an extreme feminist, she was livid. That was the first of 2 most heated arguments we ever had, and the beginning of the end. Until the fallout, it had not really occurred to me that her entitled attitude & her approach to men were a huge part of the problem with the terrible choices she made in men.
In 2019, I got into a relationship again – and this time, it was different. The feeling was different, I was more relaxed and more myself. The conversations were different, because I felt safe enough to express myself and he in turn. The intimacy was different too. I felt safe. I still feel safe with him – and he takes care of my needs in a way that no one else ever did. I feel like a woman with him, I enjoy being a woman when I’m with him. I love that he’s my safe place. For the first time in my life, I allowed myself to feel a whole range of emotions – from sadness, to happiness, from anger to Joy, to expressing my desires and fears – all because I’d worked for almost 5 years on my femininity by being attentive to my life experience, what was happening around me and being teachable.
In 2020, for my Elegance Handbook audience, in addition to doing further research into the topic of femininity, I distilled what I learned along the way into what is now “High Value Feminine Woman; Rediscovering Your Femininity”. It’s been a transformative ebook. And in a way I am grateful for the heartbreaks that taught me the lessons, the man who’s made it possible for me to the most feminine I’ve ever been, & my curiosity.
Key lessons for you
- Listen to what your emotions are telling you.
- Listen to the men you respect in your life & observe the patterns in your relationships with men. You’ll learn a lot about yourself.
- Be careful who your friends are; they may be stifling your femininity.