The dating space is such a tricky one because there are many pitfalls that you can fall into, and there are many distractions that can take you off-course. Your focus should be to find the one person who will improve your life, and meet your intimacy and emotional needs as you desire within the romantic context.
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That said, within the elegance and level-up spaces, there is a deep insistence on being as attractive as you can be so that you bag a high-net-worth individual. While this is a good strategy, it is not foolproof. As I was reading Conscious Dating: Finding the Love of Your Life & the Life That You Love by David Steele, I came across 14 traps that you should be keen on as an elegant lady who wants to get a great man. In this post, I list the 3 main traps I found most relevant for classy women.
1. The Marketing Trap
As an elegant lady, when dating, it is easy to focus on your outer appearance. This includes how you look, how you walk, how you talk, the style of your clothing so that you market yourself as a high-value woman. The thing is, the up-leveling of your style and outer experience should match who you really are. Because if you aren’t, and your love interest realizes this, he will be deflated and crushed.
You will also be afraid of showing who you really are – your flaws, and what makes you unique as you will be working very hard to keep up appearances. In his book, Conscious Dating, David says “When you fall into the Marketing Trap, you fear that nobody will want you as you really are. By “marketing” yourself, you risk disappointment and relationship failure.” This in turn creates a very complex form of self-hate or self-rejection.
Therefore, learn to use style, elegance, and femininity to enhance who you are, instead of creating a fictitious version of yourself. To develop your femininity in a healthy and authentic manner, get yourself a copy of Rediscovering Your Femininity.
2. The Packaging Trap
If you manage to skip the marketing trap, or if you are tangled in the marketing trap, you may fall for the packaging trap. This is where you focus so much on the outer appearance of your love interest as opposed to their substance.
You will find that you are transfixed on their bank account balance, their professional and academic achievements, their physical attractiveness. You may also be blind-sided by their curated social media presence, what kind of car they drive and where they live.
This keeps you blind to other important qualities such as their morality, behavior, consistency and their ability to fulfill your emotional and intimacy needs. David writes that with the packaging trap, “you overlook the reality of the person inside”, which, as we all know, is the most important.
3. The Scarcity Trap
The other important dating trap to be aware of as an elegant lady is the scarcity trap. There is the false narrative that wealthy and healthy masculine men are hard to come by. If you fall into the scarcity mindset, you will behave in unbecoming desperate ways which are repellent to this kind of men.
David writes, “the Scarcity Trap results in relationship failure because there is a temptation to settle for less: you believe you can’t get what really want because there is not enough to go around.” This is a failing strategy since when you expect less, you actually do get less.
Instead, you should date while being positively aware that there is a man set apart for you, and all you have to do is learn how to position yourself. You do this by frequenting the places where you will be in the line of sight of healthy masculine men so that they can approach and pursue you. Don’t know how to get started? Get yourself a copy of the Dating Handbook: How to Get and Go on More Dates with High-Quality Men
In summary, these are the top 3 traps to avoid in dating and relationships. Make sure to avoid the marketing trap, the packaging trap, and the scarcity trap. Especially if you are an elegant and classy lady, who wants a relationship with a high-value masculine man. To learn what the other 11 traps are, get yourself a copy of Conscious Dating: Finding the Love of Your Life & the Life That You Love by Daniel Steele here.
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