Elegance Handbook

Avoid These Early Dating Mistakes

If you are a lady who is  looking to get into long term relationships, (and marriage), this article covering new relationship advice for ladies is right for you. The early stages of dating and vetting process cannot be taken lightly. You’ve worked this hard to be where you are now – socially, professionally, academically, don’t let emotional whims lead you to drop the ball romantically.

The early stages of dating usually set the stage or pace for the expected relationship. If you have the right mindset, then your dating life will have the right foundations – and you will weed out through your prospects much faster instead of being stuck with the one option that you should not have considered in the first place.

If you spend your time and energy focusing on the wrong things, actions, emotions etc you’re losing valuable time that would have been otherwise spent finding the right person for you. 

In this post, I share common mistakes that occur at the early dating stages, especially if you’ve been single a while, or have just recently parted ways with someone who couldn’t step up. Swipe left for the 7 mistakes to avoid like a plague.



Thinking that a relationship will solve all your problems

If you can’t be happy or in charge of your life by yourself, a relationship will not be the cure. Why? Because the truth is, no one is responsible for your happiness, but you. Having a spouse is wonderful but s/he should not be the sole source of your happiness and life’s meaning. That’s too much to ask of another human.

In the early stages of dating, you should lean back, and relax and get to know the person you are dating. Are they capable of being a provider, a protector and someone you can depend on in a healthy way? Because they will not be be-all end all of your problems, but they should be someone whose shoulder you can lean on.

Going back to an ex because it is hard to date forward

To survive the uncertainty stage of dating – if you will find someone who values you or not, if you still have some skin in the game, if the prospects you have met can match up to your expectations, you need to realize that going backwards is not an option.

The familiarity and ease with which you know an ex, should not be a reason to go back especially if what caused the break up has not changed. Perhaps you spent years, and you want to salvage them – but are you willing to trade your future happiness just because you cannot let go of the past?

Being in love with the idea of love instead of being real

New love is so exciting, but take your time to understand if you are excited by the idea of love, as opposed to the person you think you are in love with. being in love with love, will send you spinning looking for excitement in people, instead of going deeper into a relationship to discover if truly it is love or infatuation.

Soap operas, romance novels & films have popularized the idea of romantic love as something perfect that happens by chance and all at once. This creates the false idea that if a magical moment does not happen the first time, then it can’t be real. This hinders proper courtship where real friendship & love is given a chance to grow.

Holding onto sweet moments and ignoring red flags

Do not ignore red flags; they will save you years and a lot of tears. Just because your love interest is sweet at the initial stages, does not mean that is who they are – take your time to know them in many different situations, scenarios and moments and use the collective impression to make decide if they are for you or not.

Desperation: Not vetting properly or waiting for better

It is tempting to settle into a relationship with the first person who shows interest, but what if you can do better than that? Do not make your decisions based on loneliness, instead, truly vet if he is the one for you – it is better to be alone than to be with someone because you could not withstand being alone.

You need to take the time and see – is he a minimum

Looking for a 100% perfect partner no matter what

If you let go of imperfectly fine prospects because you want a wo/man without defects, you will be searching for a long time. The beauty of love is in loving someone despite their (human) imperfections. And this is not an excuse to entertain toxicity or narcissists. It’s a call to be realistic while you date. Truth is, you are not perfect either.

Giving your heart to people you barely know in the name of love at first sight

Unlike in love stories and films, love takes time to grow, and giving your heart away to someone you barely know is a sure recipe for heartbreak. While love at first may be true for some, it is less of a norm, and more of an exception. Guard your heart, protect your happiness and date wisely.